There's Rice in My Mouse...

In Toy Story (Disney/Pixar), when you pull Woody's (Tom Hanks) string, the most memorable response is, "There's a snake in my boot..." In this statement, Woody is saying:

1. Yikes!
2. This is an emergency! And...
3. As a sheriff, I cannot do my job.

Recently, I spilled water on my desk. I responded immediately. I saved my laptop. WHEW! But, my mouse got a little wet. Oh no! What to do? 

Everyone has heard a story of someone dropping their cell phone in the toilet. You are supposed to put it in rice, right? So, that is exactly what I did. I rushed to the kitchen, put the damp mouse in a baggie, and covered it with rice. 

The good news: I put the battery back in. The light turned on. I took it to the computer, it moved the cursor. Crisis averted. YAY!

Then, casually, without thinking, I shook the mouse. It sounded like a maraca. 

Rhetorical question: have you ever tried to get rice out of a mouse?

I shook the mouse. Rice came out. I shook some more. Rice continued to fall. Eventually the rice flow slowed, then stopped. I tapped the mouse on the desk. DAMN!. Some rice must have been wedged inside; some broke free! ARGGH!

Shake, shake, shake... Rattle, rattle, rattle... I shook that thing, off and on, for hours. Literally hours. I took a walk, shaking my mouse. Still rattling. I drove to work. I shook my mouse. Bit by bit the rice fell out. Eventually...the sound stopped completely. I tapped the mouse. I banged the mouse. No matter what I did, no more rattling, no more rice. I guess I got all the grains out. FINALLY!

Success! Right?

But...Nooooo!!!!

The mouse works; but the right mouse button is sluggish. The mouse functions, but not well enough to work effectively. I guess rice flour or something is gumming up the works. SIGH! One just cannot win when 21st century electronics fail.

Luckily, I had a spare mouse sitting around.

So...I am back to work. 

DAMN! I bet Woody did not have to replace his boot.

OMG! Mary Poppins Returns is rated PG!

Remember Mary Poppins? The loveable G-rated movie about a magical nanny that helps a London family return to its values? With Julie Andrews as Mary Poppins and Dick Van Dyke as Bert, her gregarious chimney sweep follower?

Of course you do. Mary Poppins is unforgettable.

Well...the sequel just came out...Mary Poppins Returns -- and it is rated PG! How can that be possible? How can Mary Poppins be PG? Does Mary show a little leg? Does Bert smoke a cigarette? Does Michael Banks drink a cocktail to drown his woes? Do the dancing chimney sweeps sing a Chris Brown song?

Walt Disney must be rolling in his grave.

Have we really gotten to the point that Hollywood cannot even make Mary Poppins G?

What's next, an R-rated Mickey Mouse movie?

If you use the water cooler, please drop off your summer dues...

This spring I adjunct taught an undergraduate finance class at a local university. I thought the email request, "If you use the water cooler, please drop off your summer dues..." really captured the essence of the economics of being an adjunct instructor.

Every time I agree to adjunct teach (this is my 3rd time), I marvel at how little the university pays its adjunct faculty. If you consider how much time curriculum development takes, on an hourly basis, it approaches minimum wage. After each teaching stint, I conveniently forget the poor pay...only to be reminded the next time. But, if you want to teach and are not a tenure track professor, I guess it is the price of admission. Right?

It is the university's nickel and dime behavior that gets me. As an instructor, the first thing you have to do is get a faculty ID. When you do so, the clerk immediately asks, "how do you want to pay for your parking?" Really? We have to pay for parking? On our adjunct wages? OK...FINE, deduct it from my paycheck. The administrator responds, "Here is your parking pass. Go to the student store to buy that little plastic thing that hangs from your rear-view mirror that holds your parking pass." REALLY? We have to pay for the plastic parking pass holder???

It is a good thing I don't even know where the water cooler is...